Get Lucky 3: Imperium Seductum by Locke Nolan

Author:Locke, Nolan
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2024-09-30T00:00:00+00:00

22- Services Or Amenities?

He snorted laughter.

The venerable Lord, fucking, Gary?

“What is that, peon?” The owl seneschal demanded furiously. “You dare laugh at the venerable Lord Gary?”

The idea of an owl-faced man making demands of Ash shouldn’t have set him off this badly, but it did. He laughed out loud, from where he was still kneeling.

“Listen,” he managed. “I’m down on one knee, and I haven’t set eyes on the venerable Lord Gary, but you said nothing about respect.”

“How dare you!” It wasn’t a question.

“Obeisance you’ve got,” he said, “for now. Respect is something completely different. That’s earned.”

This caused the owl man to literally sputter, beginning and stopping several sentences with ‘the nerve’ and ‘well I never’ and it was so adorably, laughably cliched Ash really wanted to laugh. Instead he kept his head down.

“That will be all, Mr. Hooters,” someone said, and Ash was about to look up when a pair of spears fell in a criss-cross formation over his back.

“Who are you, mystery hero?”

Hero, huh? And directly on the heels of that thought: Mr. Hooters! Really?

“I’m not certain I’m a hero, but I am an adventurer. My—“

“Nonsense,” the voice said. Ash decided the pompous and overblown tone of voice meant he was the venerable Lord Gary, Grand Poobah and High Mucketymuck of this nothing town. “You must be a mercenary for hire. Well, gold we have… for now.”

“Your lordship—” Mr. Hooters started to protest, and Ash sniffed to avoid snorting laughter again. The owl man turned his attention back to Ash, a sneer in his voice. “Why you—”

“Take your leave, Mr. Hooters, if you would be so kind.”

Yeah, Mr. Hooters, Ash really wanted to say, and his better judgement prevented him. “Now, you will rise, mercenary hero.”

Ash did so, and beheld the venerable Lord Gary, who was just a man. A cloud man.

As opposed to the shop owner who had tried to trick him down in Mexicali, Lord Gary cut a formidable figure. He stood tall, with a perfectly coifed hairdo made of the same cloudstuff that composed the rest of his body. Tiny twin electrical storms served as his eyes, and he stood with hands on hips, buck naked. For whatever reason, his nether region was a smooth, featurless curve back to a set of perfectly rounded buttocks. Ash was forced to observe these as Gary turned and walked back up the next few stairs to where his throne sat. Before he got there, a cape made of thunderclouds manifested on Gary’s shoulders, obscuring his butt and raising yet more questions in Ash’s mind, questions he wouldn’t ask. This wasn’t the time.

The cape swished out majestically and he took a regal seat on his lordly throne.

“Your Lordship, I’m not here—”

Gary held up a hand, and suddenly Ash kind of wanted to punch him in his face. “We face a dire threat, hero,” he said. “Can I count on you to meet my enemies on the field of battle?”

Absolutely not was the first thought that went running through Ash’s mind.

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